Fear & Pain = ANGER

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One thing I want to do is talk about some of the things that I learned in the PRIDE training – other than about the annoying people.  🙂

I am going to try and take a tidbit and focus on that for one post.  Not sure if I will actually accomplish this…but let’s try.

One of the things we focused on in class was emotions.  And the main one being ANGER.  All anger stem from FEAR or PAIN.  It could be the fear of having pain, or the pain of being fearful.  But those two things are what CREATE anger. 

And there is a huge difference between ANGER and being frustrated, annoyed, edgy…etc.

Anger doesn’t JUST happen.  There is more behind it.  And this is where a lot of tantrums from children come from. 

While a tantrum may not be rational to an adult, it is to the child.  It could be over not getting ice cream for dinner (fear they will NEVER.EVER. have it again, OR the pain of hunger creating the fear…), or it could be the fear of being abandoned YET AGAIN by someone else they love. 

One of the ways the teacher discussed dealing with a tantrum or a fit or any kind of anger, is by “wrapping words around the emotions” and becoming the child’s ally. 

That does NOT mean giving into the child.  But it also doesn’t mean ignoring the child or screaming back in your own anger. 

It means validating the emotion.  Showing that there are still strong boundaries, but they are made out of love and concern.  Not being mean. 

The teacher gave the example of his daughter having a screaming rageful fit about not having more chocolate ice cream.  He validated that the lack of more ice cream made her sad, and that she was scared she wouldn’t have it ever again. 

She was like 2 years old.  This is a TOTALLY rational fear at that age!  LOL

My takeaway from this – validate emotions. Don’t take out your own issues on the child.  Anger, fear, happiness – all emotions that deserve validation.

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