Tomorrow is my CPR/BBP/1st Aid class for foster parenting. It’s in the same room I was in for my PRIDE classes…which had NO air pumping through it. So I don’t know if it will be hot here tomorrow or not – but doing a lot of chest pumping in a hot room with a bunch of people – not exciting.
I will be wearing some jeans that don’t fall off my butt and a long tank top…and lots of deoderant. That is for those around me.
This means that as of Monday, I will be able to send off my application packet! I probably wont’ send until Tuesday though – I want to make sure to get copies of everything I possibly can.
Always hear the stories of packets getting lost. UGH.
And my nerves are starting to sputter up a little higher as well…I think “I am going to lose my freedoms”, “I am going to have my heart broken when they reunify”, “I am going to be ____ (tired, stressed, overwhelmed, happy, angry, scared)” ALL of it.
I also wonder if this is smart for me to do. I mean, can I REALLY be a good mom to these kids? Do I really have anything to offer?
And that scares me. I have no bio kids and have only spent a lot of time with my friends children. And I like that. And they like me.
But these kids are a lot more broken…and I don’t want to break them in any other way!
I just am scared I won’t be good enough.
But I don’t want to give up. I have a tendency to quit things even when they make me happy. I slack off. I worry that something will be a lot of fun and I won’t be good enough at it.
I hope my fears are normal. Because the excitement is also there. Fear and Excitement are parallell to each other – neck and neck. Sometimes one gets a bit of a jump on the other for a bit, but the other always catches right back up.
I need to prepare the bedroom a bit more…maybe that will alleviate some of the fears when I see how wonderfully awesome it can be too.