I got an email a few minutes ago from my licensor…she got my packet of information today.
Granted, I hand delivered it to her office for HER on August 30th. But hey, we had weekends in there, Labor Day, etc. So I guess it’s ONLY been 7 working days.
But whatever. I want to keep MOVING FORWARD! I am getting the bedroom all fixed up. Which has been interesting, considering I don’t know the age range I will for sure have yet, or if it will be girl or boy. So I am painting the room white, putting some room darkening tan curtains, going to buy a rug for the middle of the floor with hopefully bright happy colors, etc. And I am finding girl and boy toys for all ages.
I just hope it’s not all for nothing. I do have one thing in my household that MAY have the potential to prevent me from being licensed…and that scares the crap.ola out of me.
Last night, I went to the Good.will and found two Fisher Price Little People houses – one is the newer version parking garage/gas station and one is the newer version farmhouse with sounds. I say newer version because they had the same things back in like the late 70’s and early 80’s (I believe), and I owned them! I found some online of the original ones, and I might eventually get those too.
It’s amazing how consumed my mind has been lately with everything foster care. It’s literally what I eat, drink, and dream about. The “kid” room, as it was dubbed, is right across the hall from my own. So I see it all the time…and I imagine my life with a little one in it.
Will I need to get up earlier to get them ready as well?
Will I be exhausted from night time feedings?
Will my pets behave and stay out of that room? (yeah, right)
Will I have a bunch of fun stories (well, sometimes they aren’t FUN when they happen – it’s the after that is funny.) to tell people at work.
Will I take photos of him/her with that just perfect face covered picture so I can post it on here?
Will I step up and do a beautiful lifebook for them?
Will they be TPR’d already or well on their way? Or will I be dealing with parents that want their kids back, but don’t want to do ENOUGH to actually GET them back?
Or will the parents step up to the plate themselves and do everything they are told and do right by their kids?
I feel so UNHINGED right now – like I have SO much to do, but I don’t know what that stuff is yet.
My life is good. But I don’t feel it’s complete. But I don’t want to lay everything on THE CHILD and hope that “they complete me”. I do hope to find “more” in life while raising a child though. I want to enjoy the time. Try to learn to live in the minute, which I am awful at right now.
I pray that my job/co-workers are as flexible as they say they will be. A friend of mine that works in the same company has had mixed reactions…she gets treated differently, just slightly sometimes, than her counterparts that gave birth to their child. She adopted two of hers, and is fostering a third…peoples reaction to her staying home with a sick baby or sick child is definitely not as forgiving as it is for “real” (hate that word, but it makes my point) parents. I didn’t believe that the unfairness really existed, UNTIL I read some of the emails sent to her and heard some of the talk.
I don’t know what will happen with my co-workers or boss. I hope that I don’t have the same issue with them as she is having – trying to prove that a mother is a mother is a mother.
I already have to deal with their NOT SOUGHT out opinions. And depending on what their previous evening was like, changes their opinion. Some days I just see that “smile” that says “oh poor Jae, she has no idea how hard it is to raise a child. She won’t be able to do this. But it’s cute that she thinks she can.” I hate that smile.
Other days, they right out tell me that they think I am insane. That opening my life and my home to the state and to a child “that you don’t even know if you get to keep” (cause now they are an object apparently) is just insane. Assinine.
And it’s still my all time favorite – “I just couldn’t do it. You know, give them back.”
Well, none of this will be easy for me either. None of it. Having the state be able to check on me whenever they want. Needing to get permission to get the child a hair cut. Needing to get the ok to travel at all…it’s all frustrating, well it will be, I’m sure.
But for crying out freaking loud – I am not doing this because it’s EASY! I am doing it because my heart is telling me to. And I have ignored it long enough.