Second Guessing…

Standard

I don’t know why I all of a sudden have started freaking out.  I mean, I literally spent all weekend pondering…

I don’t know if I am ready to be a foster mom.  I don’t know how selfish I really am.  I don’t know how giving I really am. 

I have not yet heard back from DSHS on my background check.  But I start wondering if I have TOO much of a history financially that might hurt me.  I don’t even know if they look at that.  I filed bankruptcy.  Yes.  I am an awful person…But it was either I did that or I lost everything. 

And now I am wondering on that and some other things in the past that might keep me from being a foster mom. 

And I am wondering if that wouldn’t be for the best…being rejected.

I am in my very early 30’s…so while my biological clock is ticking in a sense, I don’t know if I have a desire to ever be pregnant.  But I might.  But I don’t know.

SO confused.  I am not in a relationship with anyone currently, so it’s not like I am just contemplating “our life together as a family”. 

I guess I want to be a mom, but not sure if I want to be OWNED by the state as a foster parent. 

I am really trying the Let Go, Let God method of decision making take over, but part of me feels like I already know the answer but I am ignoring it. 

I am scared.  I am hesitant.  I am nervous.  I am overwhelmed.

I am lost.

Advertisements

5 responses »

  1. You’re normal! That’s good you’re feeling like this is something big – it is! But that doesn’t mean it isn’t for you. Whenever I’ve been in a situation like that, I’ve always prayed that God will close and open the doors He wants me to go through. I’ve never regretted it! In your case, you’ve done your part to the best of your ability, and now it isn’t in your hands. Pray that He will guide the decisions being made regarding your certification. If He doesn’t want you to foster, then He can stop it now even if they wouldn’t normally have a problem with something in your paperwork. On the other hand, if He wants you to do it then He can make it happen even if they would usually have a problem with something in your paperwork. It’s great that you’re trying to Let Go and Let God – I know from experience that it is much easier said than done though. Have courage – He really is in control.

  2. I think it’s perfectly normal for anyone going through the foster licensing process to get nervous during this waiting point. I was a wreck. You start questioning everything. I know that I did. I said to myself, and my husband multiple times while waiting, “We have kids, what are we doing?”

    Then the license came in the mail.

    Then I was frought with all kinds of other nervous worrying.

    That’s when I remembered, that’s what mother’s do. They worry. 🙂

  3. You are SOOOO ME three years ago!!! Similar situations… Similar desires… Similar feelings of stress, second-guessing, panic, excitement, bipolar freakouts, and all… 🙂 It’s COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!

    After three years in Foster/Adopt Land, I can honestly tell you that while foster CARE drives me completely insane and all of the red tape and restrictions make me want to scream most of the time, I love fosterING. Three years, a teen mom, and five babies later, and I am a changed person for the better. These kids are worth every bit of craziness, heartache, and frustration that comes along with foster care.

    They’re not looking for “perfect” parents. They’re looking for real people who will love and protect these kids. You’ll do great! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s