Tag Archives: Losing My Damned Mind

Oh, I could NEVER give up those kids…

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In 2008, when I first started going through some of the foster care classes (PRIDE), I started hearing this from people.

The “Oh, being a foster parent is not for me.  I could NEVER give back those poor kids.”….so, what?  Am I an asshole then?  I believe families should be together if it’s possible.

Or the “You have such a big heart! You can help a child!” I don’t know about all that.  And who is to say that that kid might not be helping ME?  They have almost all gone through more than most of us can even imagine.  And children are resilient.  It takes a lot to break that…and some are profoundly broken unfortunately. 

“Foster parents are saints”.  No, just normal parents.  Taking on some extra challenges.  Forming families a little differently than most.

Oh, and from a co-worker today…”Oh, Jae!  You really should talk to so and so.  What they went through was so heartbreaking.  And really think this over.  Raising children is so hard!”  Um, no shit?  But I am going to take a stab in the dark here and say that millions of women have children.  I may not be great.  Hell, I may realize that I am just not cut out to parent these kids.  Hell if I know. 

Oh and I had NO clue that children could be anything but FUN!  FUN in the morning!  Fun to take to the store!  Fun to watch cry and scream because dammit you won’t give them that chocolate milk right this freaking very second oh my God my life is over! 

Yeah…I am 30.  I have been around LOTS of kids.  I have had roommates with kids.  So yes, I have lived with kids. 

And no, I don’t think it will be the exact same as when I am the parent.

I am not the freaking brightest crayon on the box, but I am not a freaking nitwit. 

Plus, my mom DOES live with me…oh happy happy joy joy.  Granted, for the most part I don’t mind it. 

Anyways, I have the second two days of my PRIDE class this weekend.  Last weekend were the first two.  9 am to 5 pm.  On super beautiful days here in my neck of the woods.  And tomorrow, I am taking a vacation day so that I can get a TB test done and maybe get fingerprinted as well. 

My packet (application, etc) is almost completed.  I am ON.MY.WAY.

Ooh, and I have a crib, two strollers, two car seats (only one base though), a baby bath, a baby papasan…and that’s it.  And there could be a kid in there soon.

Or not…which is the part I am so scared of.  My mom recently got a DUI.  An extreme one.  In Arizona.  Eeeeesh.  She spent time in jail, has to get a restricted license, attend meetings and classes for three months…all that fun shit.

And it’s considered a gross misdemeanor.  The amount of money it is costing US (yes, I help support her) is gross.  And I am SO scared that since she has to have a background check and fingerprinting done as well, that they will say I can’t foster because she screwed up once.

Literally – once.  She has never even received a speeding ticket in her life.  She drives about 5 to 10 under the speed limit.  Typical 60 something year old.

So…who knows.  I am scared of not getting licensed, scared of getting licensed, scared of screwing some kid up worse, scared kids will hate me and kick me, terrified of the homestudy and my house not being ready, scared I won’t have the floors done in time, scared that m house smells like a damned animal and I won’t notice it, scared of Freddy Kreuger…oh wait.  That’s a different issue.  Damn it.

Honestly.  At some point I am going to start pulling my hair out.

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